Control vs. Freedom: Your Strategic and Small Attempts at Repairing Your Joy, Power, & Path (And Reducing Anger and Depression, Bit by Bit)

Are you oppressed by the unsettled, non-peaceful controller? Are you dealing with the effects, like distraction from goals, impaired schedules, delayed dreams that were once important, depression, sadness, or anger? You probably already understand that your energy has been attacked when any attack on your personal freedoms has happened.

The energy to complete a task can result from how directly it relates, in your mind and body, to getting what you truly want... And, for that reason, there is power in your joy: your dreams, your preferences... People on paths that are connected to what they really want, their dreams, have energy and power in those moments. Some of your power has been compromised when people force their preferences, their energy, and their practices onto you, but if you have a passion that you can do each day, even a little, you can get some back...

And you may be able to fight depression without overhauling your life to do it. As important as self-healing can be... It is not done overnight and my hope, for you restoring your power, is that you learn small steps you can take that don't detract from your goals, schedules, and dreams, while still not remaining overly-depressed, too angry (which is tied to sadness and pain) or energetically drained for extensive time.

This post may be relevant not just for the religiously persecuted, but for anyone suffering from those insistent on controlling them in one way or another. I tried to keep it honest in ways that acknowledge how uneasy, unfun, and unfortunate this problem can be...  If you can see that as a reason to go easy on yourself when "lack of joy or progress" has happened, not one for hopelessness, that may be a good thing. 

I'd like you to remove the pressure if you have pain when others hurt you that doesn't go away immediately... It's natural. And an "attempt" to fix it is good on your part, and maybe all that can be done for the moment, anyway.

Understanding Depression's Cause is a Start to Preserving who You Really Are

There's something that's pretty easy to understand for many, especially if you've gotten to a certain level of inner development (or tracking your life circumstances, feelings, and the causes). Those who seek to control others are unsettled in their own well-being. Those who are comfortable with others being free are, likely, settled in who they are and peaceful. 

There's a clear difference between someone who is happy with the path they are on, content, and someone who is reaching outside of their own path, and their own individual progress, to worry over what others are doing. 

Some of us have the unfortunate circumstance of being very near to those who are fanatical controllers and oppressors: getting gratification in one or both of these acts. 

Religion is just one way they can act it out; a person who has been controlling in their personal relationships to the point of violence, emotional, and psychological abuse, can just as easily turn this into religious persecution. 

In terms of religion,  "controllers" can just as easily become Christian, Muslim, the particular Atheists who want to get rid of all religions by force, or a "cult" that operates by force... Any belief system that grows by force is an oppressive one and cultish... The issue is control vs. the ability to let you be as you are: to strengthen your freedom. It's based in fear. When you understand the source of your problems, you can reduce that fear for yourself...

How happy are you when being controlled in your personal relationships or in your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof? 

If you are depressed, sad, or angry, you may not have even considered what relational elements of your life are putting you in this place.

In an after show of Red Table Talks, Jada Pinkett's mother described her depression as being associated with being very near to those who were constantly judging her, including her own mental chatter as well as a toxic relationship: her partner at the time. 

How does constant judgment literally feel to you? You may not know, yet, if you haven't really thought about it... 

Given a list of choices, which do you think is best for creating a sense of inner-calm and joy in yourself?

1. Being alone with nothing but positive affirmations in your mental chatter (or a return to them when things go south).

2. Being around others who accept you as you are and affirm your personal choice (from a place of compatibility and or understanding).

3. Being around incompatible people, who are not just different, but aggressively judging you, or otherwise setting you apart each and every time you see them?

When you write the list out like that, the answer can be pretty clear. If you can master being supportive to yourself in alone-time, you are in a far better situation than someone who is forcefully placed next to those who judge them each time they see them. The second situation is what is called emotional abuse. It produces baggage. 

Whether the judgment is in the form of isolation, closed doors, not acknowledging you while acknowledging those beside you, publically sharing "faults" or pointing out the ways you are "not appropriate, not okay," the survivor is left with the effects of the abuse to workout...

Survivors are left with the anger to repair, the scars to heal, and the mental confusion to unhook. Many victims of this judgmental oppression, in the form of forced-religion and judgmental relationships or thoughts become like those who are controlling and oppressive as a "quick fix." And that still leaves them with these emotional scars. Many predators were once preyed on. Many people shaming others for sexual preference were once the victims of this shaming. And many religious persecutors were once the victims of such. 

So what happens if a quick-fixer begins feeling unsettled from all that emotional scarring? Repeating the cycle is a strong responsibility. 

If this is happening to you, there's a choice involved. Will the victim stay a victim (be drained by depression, anger, and issues that haven't been addressed at their root causes), become an oppressor (remove others' rights), or become a self-nurturer after each case of abuse (by returning to focus on the goals they have been distracted from and restoring their self-worth through loving self-talk and actions)? 

In the last case, the victim is a survivor, someone working on repairing the scars the world leaves them with, due to no fault of their own. They may not be 100% successful at any given time, because, in all honesty, that is unlikely for anything... (And it's more unlikely when you have real priorities and goals that your life and "preserving you" depend on). The choice to attempt to repair the damage by acknowledging it is an admirable one. That's where small steps come into play.

... By not understanding the cause of your pain, whether that is the removal of choice enacted by rape, the removal of choice enacted by forceful religion, or the removal of choice enacted during emotional and psychological abuse... You can potentially become someone who needs to control others and repeats what is done to them. 

You can also become depressed, or become angry and confused, when not knowing why that anger exists: adding more pain and suffering into the world, whether that is your own or someone else's.

What if you were dragged by your ear to church, the mosque, the temple, with shouting and pain to lead you? 

Whether it is the fear and anger of an oppressive family member or the money-attraction of a moral-lax religious order, that causes the dragging, the effect is the same: A violation. Any violation of who you are, of your freedom of choice, can leave a scar, pain, and unresolved anger. 

Have you felt the anger present in a church full of forced believers, or forced anything? Have you seen the scowling faces in your church or religious order? 

People inherently seek freedom. And they begin to carry a little pain when they are torn away from it, even the ones doing the tearing are in pain at the start of their attacks.  It's not fair. And it's not your fault. Now what can you do about it?... And how little of that should be on your schedule when you had more pressing, perhaps financial or health, concerns to start? 

Aim not to let an oppressor turn your pursuit of a goal into a new path of constant restoration, if it can be avoided... Sometimes, acknowledging and a little positive self-talk is all you can do to preserve your time.  Sometimes, depending on your issues, you'll need something stronger and your goals will be affected. That, in essence, is the unfairness of being given an assignment like this one: restoring emotional damage takes energy,  and often, it takes time. And if your violation involves a physical one, one that requires the law as a recourse for more justice, your path may be thwarted even more...

Honestly... Self-repair after oppression requires energy and time that could have lifted you up from where you were before "controllers" became involved in your life and started an emotional assault on your well-being.

You deserve to acknowledge that wrong now and when looking back to understand how and why things occurred. But it doesn't help you to get stuck there before you get back to work on what matters.

Will Smith created this pretty cool video about responsibility vs. fault. Essentially he states, "it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility" to deal with the baggage left by those who've hurt you.  That doesn't mean engaging with those who do this in the midst of your oppression from them (which causes and stirs anger and pain) or fixing them, it's just the opposite. It means identifying your effects and working on repairing yourself to a place of wholeness. As he states, it is not your fault, but the baggage, unfortunately, is now... your responsibility. I want to add that you don't have to take it on in one day... 

This "not your fault" explanation above is the anti-modern-karma view (where all that happens to you is a result of your bad actions...). He encourages you to skip victim-shaming just as much as being focused on your oppressors, and simply start working on helping you. Anger does not help you from an emotional (anti-depression) well-being standpoint. 

Here's some more more honesty.

In some ways, anger toward excluded groups, judgment, and being unsettled and unpeaceful can help you; 

honestly, being oppressive is in-style, dominant in many communities, and can be a great method for connecting with others who are financially well but emotionally depraved. This post is about honesty. And, on the brighter side of that fact, Will Smith is one of many media-examples exemplifying positivity that you can seek out: a person doing well financially (which is often a weapon of control for both oppressors and oppresive, forceful-religion) and in many aspects of life who has chosen to deal with some emotional scars from a positive place, growing better at this skill overtime. 

Does it mean he (or any motivator) is perfect? 

Well, does he need to be? Not for you to move forward.

A media-example (or any) shows an example in that moment you are watching and if they positively energized you, you can use that energy to feel compatibility, support, and uplifting motivation when you don't have it in your immediate life. That's the biggest promise a media person can give and you don't need anything beyond it... 

For Harry Potter fans, you might consider it the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin team: each one has some wins. And until you find your team, there are accessible motivators who work on self-improvement and not judgment of others, people giving you insight into the steps you can take for more joy and success. 

How subtle can a judgment be? Being a judger can not only harm others, but lead you to separate from others who are in your shoes and will support you emotionally if given the chance. Here's a judgment game involving one or more questions I've definitely failed and you may have, too.

1. Have you looked at someone dressed up to go into a religious building, as a non-believer, and felt an immediate incompatibility? 

Maybe that person is forced, just as you have been, looking for the freedom you now have.

2. Have you seen someone overweight and eating unhealthy foods and thought they have no interest in personal growth or health? 

Maybe that person is dealing with food intolerances, celiac, and or financial hardships in not only the best way they know how, but also in the best way that restores their energy and reduces the symptoms that drain them the most... Using answers that can not be given in "one size fits all" medical lingo or expensive health conferences: practical ones learned by experience and complex, integrative concerns that only they understand.

3. Have you seen someone underweight and skipping food presented to them and thought they had an eating disorder, since you have had one? 

This is one example of projection.. assuming someone's actions are in line with our behaviors and reasons and judging from that place, is still judgment, even if the victim has something we think we want (as some would assume has it "easier" and could deserve a little roughing up and difficulty). 

This person could also be suffering from celiac (which can cause weightloss), food intolerances, a different disease affected by food consumption, have a spiritual belief system in line with the food they eat, a combination of all three, and so on.

4. Have you looked at your accomplishments and that of a competitor and said to yourself, "we all have the same 24 hours," a very popular saying in the motivational world, before patting yourself on the back? 

In other words, Are we judging for motivation? Is that another distraction from being your happiest self? Comparison is not needed with self-love in place... And, nope, we do not all have the same 24 hours.

There are some people with dishwashers and some people who hand wash. 

There are some people with two dishes to work from and some people with 22. 

There are some people with the priviledge of leaving a messy space, even a helpful parent who has done housework, dishes, laundry, or assisted them in sickness while growing up... And some who have never or rarely had that positive treatment and have the toll on time and efficiency that comes with it.

There are many people without the early and ongoing positive treatment that aids motivation, their health, their connections later in life, and saves them time.

There are some people who have their emergency issues addressed by doctors and some people who are isolated and abused even in that space. 

And there are some people who have their freedoms, their health, and their time drained by controllers they are dependent on in a world full of cold shoulders who have, again, "theorized," a way to add additional judgment...

Self-love repairs the need to judge.

Self-love, done simply, is positively affirming yourself without putting others down. And the more we do it, the more it reduces the need to pat ourselves on the back when others fail (or to become grateful in a comparison to their pain... )

Are you human? Are you a judger? The answer is likely, yes, if you are human. 

From moment to moment, we have our opportunities to say, "How can I improve this fault I've seen in someone else, improve myself?" (remove that negative energy from my space that is being directed at them). Thankfully, this and a little self-love talk does not come at a high cost of time. Though, it will not get the job done as a whole and immediately if you are being forced into something that is not good for you and judged more in life than you need to be...

The goal of someone seeking better in the world, freedom over control, is to focus on self-improvement, the anti-thesis of judgment, embracing positivity, which shields and guards you from depression. 

How do you embrace positivity without using a lot of time or significantly more than you otherwise would?

If you've watched a movie or listened to a song, you can or have chosen things that make you feel positive and happy, whatever those happen to be, for you... That uses time you already have as leisure time and gets your positivity-fill done at once. If you've aimed to spend a lazy day in bed a few times per month or weekly, that day can be filled with positive talks and positive actions that you learn from those talks.

Check on yourself daily, removing judgment, and you can become a force for good in this world, even in just your daily choices and the lack of baggage you choose to distribute in the air and to other people... 

Are you using online tools in your hands? There are motivational speakers and positive people. Social media is not just selfies. And you can bookmark some inspirational things just as easily as paying attention to interrupting updates... The proof of you reading this suggests you have access. Using the media you can now access, you can have tools that take you away from anger, depression... which, internally, will drain and make the richest person in the world an unhappy one. 

There is no perfect person, but as long as you are not letting your imperfections become freedom-stealing baggage that keeps you and others down, you are doing something powerful, even in Will Smith's eyes.

Using Timers for Self-Help and Moving onto Goal Fulfillment Afterward

In practical honesty, it is nearly impossible to excel in two areas at the same time. So what is most important to you? Become a restorative expert each time someone manipulates you, or something else, like financial empowerment, upward mobility, etc.?

The rest of your path may be about acknowledging and then taking the steps, bit by bit, while you reclaim the things and activities that fill you with power, joy, and wellness, and, of course, getting to work on goals: what brings you joy in the future.

your favorite things can motivate, keeping you on track with your most important goals in life... as well as make you feel good and buffer against depression.  

In other words, if you were on a track to wellness and goal-fulfillment that others interrupted with control, please, still prioritize being the person you were, if at all possible.  Even as you take very small steps toward self-love when others do you wrong, if there is a chance at preserving what you had before, go ahead and try.

Get as much of your 24 hours back as possible. That is your power. 

Once again, it's not fair and it's not your fault. And you may not get very far from an "attempt" at fixing your damage while you attempt at retaining your power, too: growing better overtime, and not immediately at self-improvement.

I don't want you to look back ten years from now with power in the hands of the same oppressors and know you've lost more than they took originally. Timers and minimizing self-help can be a key difference.

I'm not promising you perfection or success at balancing two goals of self-help and goal-attainment equally... 

If you are a controller-survivor,  I do hope I've given you:

1. Some quick tools that help you retain and improve your personal power and happiness 

2. The freedom to take it a little easier on yourself when bad feelings occur as a response... And exist somewhat overtime. 

3. The peace that comes from getting a clear view of your interruptions and your setbacks so you don't wonder from a place of being lost... But, instead, understand, and breathe easier, planning for better when possible.

Depression is not your fault. Oppression is not your fault. And if baggage is going to become your responsibility, a key part of self-love is remembering the other ones you have, too... 

Good luck with all of it...  Setting your timer, and getting back to work on your most important goals and dreams, if you can still do them...  as well as restoring some happiness activities for happiness, and finding your positive inspiration-media-people online, at least, to shake up and contrast all that judgmental energy you have to face. And, of course, good luck taking it easy on you. 

Not your fault, just your journey. Much love.